Potty Humor

It astounds me that no matter how old we get it seems we all still have a great appreciation for toilet talk. My parents used to scold me for it as a child yet now I continually catch them chuckling at mentions of farts or poops. My friend Maggie and I send text messages to each other to this day with just "bowl movement" or "feces" written. We never do grow up.

My brother just might be the most immature of everyone I know, though. At 25 years old, he's still extremely fond of potty humor and feels the need to share every story he comes across with me. The most recent, however, is truly a classic. He called me earlier this evening with one of the funniest stories I've heard, which he originally heard from his friend Doug.

It turns out a female friend of Doug's recently went home from the bar with a very attractive doctor. The next morning he had to leave for work, but he told her she could let herself out since the door locks behind you. She was quite relieved to hear he'd be leaving since she desperately needed to do a "number 2" and did not want to have to do so with him still in the apartment. After he left, she grabbed a copy of GQ and took care of business. But as she went to flush she realized every girl's nightmare had occurred and the toilet was not working. Even worse, the water had drained out of it so it was pretty much a dry dock.

She jiggled the handle, lifted the top, tried everything to get the damn toilet to flush but nothing was working. Not knowing what to do and quickly panicky, she called a friend of hers for answers. The friend advised her to find a plastic baggy and "fish it out". Having no other options she took her friends advice. Everything seemed a-okay.

So, since she had a pretty good time with the sexy doctor, she went to leave him a little note before leaving, hoping maybe things would progress with him. She wrote him a short note saying she had a good time, left her number for him to call her, and headed out the door feeling extremely relieved.

OH SHIT!!!

The second the door slammed behind her she realized she had made the biggest mistake ever. She had left the poopy baggy next to the note which was now locked in the apartment with no way for her to get in and retrieve it.

So picture said doctor's face that afternoon when he comes home, feeling pretty good because he hooked up with a cute girl the night before, and sees a note for him waiting-- "Hey I had a great time last night. Give me a call some time. Love, Suzy"--
with a big giant dump in a bag sitting right next to it.

What could possibly be going through his head? The poor guy must think he hooked up with the most psychotic person ever. And the poor girl is never gonna be able to talk to a doctor again without getting a severe case of constipation.

So no matter how bad of a hook-up story you think you have, please remember this girl and, for the love of God, if you ever have to fish a crap out the toilet, be sure to take it with you.