My Living Nightmare

Well here I thought that if I wasn't going to graduate, it would be because of my own stupidity and laziness. Yet, it turns out it may not be my fault. I got an email today from my academic dean, a woman I'd never even met, informing me that I'm three credits short of graduating. Although I was told NUMEROUS times in Spain that I was taking enough courses to receive the standard 15 credits, it turns out it was all a lie. Now they are trying to tell me that the courses fell short several hours to receive full credit. I can still walk, although I had no interest or intention in doing so, but technically I can't receive a diploma, the one thing I actually want. In order to do so, I will need to go through another semester, all for one lousy course.

Normally, I think im pretty good under pressure, and, when dealing with others, I keep a cool head. After working in the restaurant business, I know how awful it is to be yelled at by people, especially when its not your fault. Today I was not calm. Today I was VERY, VERY angry. After going to see Dianna, my advisor, I yelled between tears about the ridiculousness of the situation, claiming that it was complete "garbage" and "utterly unacceptable" that they would inform me of this now, a month before graduation. She tried to appease me by saying the dean was willing to award me one more credit, meaning I'd only need two to graduate. Seeing as this still necessitates that I take another course, you could see why I told her that meant complete shit to me.

The anger I feel about this whole situation is indescribable. I am a 3.8 student, on the dean's list, who has fulfilled every requirement thus far in a timely and appropriate manner. To find out that after three and a half years, NOW something is going to keep me from graduating, something that is clearly not my fault, but the error of the negligent and irresponsible administration, is infuriating. My parents too are livid, and for once I am happy that my mom is the kind of irrational psychopath who will threaten to "drive up there and sit in the President's office until he fixes things or (she) is going to write to every single donor on their list telling them what a horrible school Manhattan College is". And, trust me, my mom loves a fight that much that she is willing to risk her job to take off work and drive to New York for her own personal protest.

So on top of my already immeasurable senioritis, I have this distraction to keep me from doing my work. Even if this problem is fixed, I may not graduate seeing as I can't bring myself to do anything after hearing this incredible news. I sat in the library today, trying desperately to work on a paper that's due on Thursday. In over three hours, all I got done were two paragraphs. I spent most of that time answering phone calls from my parents and checking my email for any updates. By the time I had calmed down, I was too tired to do anything else, seeing as I only got about 5 hours of sleep last night.

You see, on top of my academic issues, I have two of the most self-centered roommates ever. Last night, they invited people to our room to pre-game, an event that happens at least twice a week. In the beginning, I tried to be cool about it, hoping the parties would be less frequent further into the semester. But, no, they have not waned, and I often have 5-10 people in our room several nights a week.

Last night was my favorite though. By 12 o'clock, when I was ready to go to bed, I told my roommate Morgan I was tired, and asked when people would be leaving. She answered that she was going to Fenwick's shortly after, and that she was sure Tara, my other roommate, and their friends would quiet down. Now, I know my question was rather passive aggressive, but I think it was clear that I wanted people out. Our room is set up similar to a studio apartment, with just a small "half-wall" between the bedroom-- no door, just a flimsy curtain on a shower pole. Trying to sleep with 6 or 7 people playing drinking games just 15 feet away is not undesirable, its impossible.

Around 1, though, I let out a sigh of relief when everyone left the room. Within minutes I fell asleep, exhausted from a busy day. However, just an hour or so later, the party returned and I was made wide awake. Turns out everyone had just gone outside to smoke, and were now ready to return. I shut my eyes and tried to swallow my anger, but sweet relief would not come. Finally, by 2:20 I got up and told Tara I wanted everyone out. Gratifying to say, but not very helpful, since I was now wide awake and still agitated. It wasn't until at least 4 when I finally fell asleep, after Morgan stumbled back from the bar, stomped through the room, tried to rouse Tara from the peaceful slumber she so easily fell into, and yelled out my bedside window to her friend below.

I live in a nightmare. A nightmare that, after today-- after reaching my breaking point-- I will no longer allow. There will be no more parties in this room. I'm making sure everyone is out by 11 so I can go to sleep. I will not be kept awake all night so that I must rely on several cups of coffee to make it through class the next day. If I'm not graduating this semester, it'll be because I won the lottery or because I'm running away with Jake Gyllenhaal. It will NOT be because I was too tired from someone else's parties to do my work, and surely NOT because my asshole dean won't give me the credits I deserve. I'm not going to let that happen.




That felt REALLY good to get out of my system. Good night, everyone. Here's hoping I actually get some sleep tonight.